


Artefact No. 4

by orphan_account



Series: Across the Universe [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Actual Crack, Ancient DIldos, Blade of Babylon, Dildo collectors, Established you and Dean, F/M, Phallic Objects, You and Dean are posh, but very smutty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 00:52:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17756687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After your successful romp as AU!Office Dean and Y/N but unsuccessful time at finding the weapon you need, you take your next key and use it to find yourselves somewhere else - in a museum.





	Artefact No. 4

“Why are we in a storage closet?”

You turn around in the confined space so that your back is facing Dean and lean into the shelf in front of you, there’s a few old looking scrolls in cases on the shelf but you can’t really make much else out in the dark; “I don’t think it’s just a storage closet, maybe we’re in a big filing cabinet?”

Before Dean has a chance to answer, the door swings open and Sam is standing there, as soon as he notices both of you he sports a typical Sam Winchester bitch face No.1. “This is a work place how many more times? Now move I need to find something.”

This Sam has a much more posh voice than the Sam from your universe, he also seems much more uptight and if possible, even more _fed up_ with yours and Dean’s shit than the Sam back home. He’s wearing what looks close to be a dark blue well tailored suit, “alright Sammy, just got a little lost is all” Dean deflects.

Sam frowns; “just get out of the damn closet Dean.”

You grab Dean by the hand and haul him out of the closet, he looks like he wants to make an ‘out of the closet’ joke but you quickly pull him away from Sam while offering a sheepish look in return.

“Alright, where are we this time?” You look around and take in the surroundings, currently you’re still walking down what appears to be the longest hallway ever, it looks grand and for the first time you notice what you’re wearing. You have on a deep purple expensive looking pant-suit, it looks pretty formal in your opinion and it didn’t take you long to notice the short black heels you are also wearing. You didn’t notice in the dark of the closet but Dean is wearing a brown tweed suit, he doesn’t look any less handsome because it is _Dean_ for Christs sake, but it does bring attention to his real age.

“Dean, have you seen what you’re wearing?”

Dean looks down at himself then looks at you, “have you seen _yourself?_ Jesus what are we wearing? Hey - maybe we’re rich people in this universe.”

You roll your eyes and finger the chunky key in your pocket, “does it matter? Look, we’ve been at this weird universe hopping thing for weeks now and I just wanna find that damn weapon.”

Dean sighs; “I know. Hey, look down there, Jesus are we in a museum?”

“Oh wow,” suddenly as if everything just manifested before you, there was dinosaur bones, deceased butterfly’s encased on the wall behind most likely bulletproof glass, more bones of what looked to be of mammoths. It was amazing, “I think I know who we are.”

Dean is still enthralled by the displays so asks, while only half listening; “and what’s that Y/N?”

“Think we’re like some kind of museum curators or historians maybe,” much like Dean you’re barely paying any attention to what you’re doing.

“Mr and Mrs Winchester! I’ve been looking everywhere for you, Mr Shirley is here to present to you the _broken blade of Babylon,_ he has been waiting outside your office for a while now;” a middle aged man is talking to both of you and you’re both barely listening to what he’s saying until you hear the word ‘blade.’

“Wait, the blade of what?” You ask.

The man coughs impatiently; “the blade of Babylon, Mr Shirley is waiting in the office.”

“Okay we’re on our way there.” You assure, even though you don’t quite know where _there_ is.

Dean turns to look at the signs on the walls “we could try the main offices?” He suggests.

You agree and then the two of you are walking down the hall trying to find your office; “Mr and Mrs Winchester huh? Sounds nice.”

Dean smirks, “you really want to be married, to me?”

“Oh c’mon Dean, I wouldn’t say no!” You notice how he begins to squirm and try to bite your lip in an attempt to not laugh, “don’t burst a vein Dean, I don’t wanna get married any time soon - it’d be way too impractical.”

He visibly swallows; “oh would you look here, _Mr and Mrs Winchester - Heads of Historical Archeaology,_ looks like we found our room.”

You choose to let Dean off the hook with this one, besides you really do want to find the weapon and for all you know this could be it, all you have to go off is a picture that Sam sent you from an ancient book made of skin - you don’t even have a name.

When you step into the room you notice Chuck sitting there, also in a suit and with a wooden box; “alright it took a while but I got it, somehow got itself buried fifteen-feet under ancient Egyptian soil - this is artefact number four.”

Dean approaches the box but Chuck stops him, “I know it’s for your ancient collection but I wouldn’t be afraid to put this one on display - it’s not fragile, in fact it’s very well preserved.”

“Don’t worry Chuck, we’ll take good care of it” you assure.

Chuck nods his head and opens the box to reveal a… phallic looking object. “I–uh this looks like a dildo.” Dean doesn’t go for subtle.

“Well yeah if we’re gonna be crass, but that’s what you asked for, you said it was for your ancient phallic collection -ready to be completed by next month” Chuck explains.

You try not to let the silence drag on; “uh yeah thanks Chuck, this looks uh-good.”

“Alright guys, great - I’m going to go and handle some none phallic things with Gabriel - I’ll see you around 8 tonight for Bobby’s retirement party;” then he’s gone like a whippet.

“Well, well, well - we are dildo collectors.”

“I have the strangest feeling that this might not be the weapon we are looking for,” you approach the box and carefully pick up the wooden object, “I’m sure it would hurt if you got hit real hard with it though.”

Dean chuckles, “think we’d look pretty stupid doing it though.”

“Y’know - there are some other uses for this.”

Dean raises an eyebrow; “oh, are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”

“What would that be? To make the most of this crazy adventure and have a little fun with an ancient sex toy,” you shrug pretending to be coy “but if you’re not interested in having a little fun…”

“Woah, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves” Dean walks to the door and locks it “how about you just take your pantsuit off and take a seat on that chair over there.” You quickly strip down to your bra and pants and sit down on the leather desk chair, Dean loosens his tie and gives you a deviant smile “slip your hand into your panties and make yourself wet, finger your clit nice and good baby.”

You bite your lip but do as he says, slipping your fingers into your panties and over your clit until you feel yourself growing more wet, “Dean, feels so good.”

Dean takes the other seat opposite you and just watches your actions “wet your fingers then rub them over your nipples” Dean leans over and pops your bra exposing your breasts, you drag your hand from your now aching clit and rub your fingers over your pebbling nipples. It feels good but you want more, you begin pinching and rubbing your hardening peaks whimpering for Dean’s attention.

Dean slowly reaches over to the box and pulls out the wooden appendage; “is this what you want Y/N? You want me to fuck you with this 2,000 year old dildo?”

“Deaaaan,” you whine out, teasing your pussy again with out free hand “please baby, I need it.”

Dean leans forward and gently caresses your cheek, “pull your panties off completely.”

You whip them off as fast as you can, once you’re finally exposed Dean begins to tease your lips with the object, running it up and down and just slowly inching in “Dean baby, don’t tease, I’ve been a good girl.”

He sighs out his arousal “yes you have.” With that, he plunges in. Barely any preamble as he thrusts the toy in and out, he uses a brutal pace but you don’t care you love it. Dean leans forward and takes your mouth with his own, thrusting his tongue against yours, you cry out into his mouth as Dean twists the toy deeper. “Are you gonna cum Y/N? Like a good girl, gonna come on this?”

You cry out but Dean tries hushing you “yeah, I am f–fuck.”

“Don’t want the staff or anyone else to come in and see me nailing you on this ancient dildo, or do you huh Y/N?” He continues to thrust in and out, nailing you in all the right places, “that’s right sweetheart, just let go.”

You comply and let out an earth shattering cry as your orgasm takes you over, you slump over into Dean’s arms and he soothes you through it, “so good, that was- Jesus good.”

Dean chuckles and combs a hand through your hair, “yeah it looked good.” After a couple more minutes of recovery Dean prompts you up “c’mon, get dressed we really do gotta find this weapon.”

You smile against his arm; “what about you?” 

He sighs “gonna have to rain-check if we actually wanna get anything done.” Dean adjusts himself in his slacks, “God I’d love for your lips around my cock, but we just don’t have the damn time.”

You smirk and give him a chaste kiss, “don’t worry babe, I’ll make it up to you.” You leave him with the promise of more before leaping off the chair and beginning to dress again.

Once you’re decent and Dean’s erection has finally subsided, you go for the next key but he stops you; “I think we should look around here a little more, just because it _is_ a museum and there could be more here.”

“Yeah, good idea actually” you put the key back.

Dean suddenly does a weird grimace-chuckle and you look at him confused “you don’t uh- well, think that um, dildo could be a cursed object or anything do you?”

“Shit.” You look at the object placed upright on the desk, there are some carvings on there but as far as you can tell it looks to be genuine Akkadian, probably Hebrew. “I guess we’ll just have to wait it out, and if I suddenly start to act hexed or cursed, well - we’ll just deal with it.”

Dean rolls his eyes “great, let’s go search this place for real and see if we missed anything.”

You really hoped you wouldn’t have a cursed vagina.


End file.
